Sardar Jokes
Four University graduates were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light
HARVARD Guy: It’s the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa’s reply, asked) “WHY”?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
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Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics … and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass … and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic.”
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa’s backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
“Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears…. you are a potato and tomato”!
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Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school.
Banta called him and said ‘Aren’t you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?’ ‘Not at all,’ replied the classmate. ‘I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.’
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Banta singh, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
“Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” Banta asked “how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he replied. “You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”
“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’
Banta thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”
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Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ‘ The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
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In one local cricket match, a Sardar raised his bat on making 35 runs.
His partner asked “Sardar, there is no century or half century or winning moment. Why did you raise your bat?”
The Sardar replies,
“You don’t know the value of 35 scores (passing marks). I know it from my school time.”
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Santa Singh’s wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day.
As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father -in-law to write “The clock has arrived” and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl.
Now Santa’s father-in-law didn’t know what to do.
If he writes “the clock has arrived” Santa will think he has got a Son.
If he writes “clock has not arrived” Santa will get worried that something serious has happened.
But being a very intelligent person, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
“The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing”.
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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, ” Are you relaxing (relax singh)” Sardar answered ‘” No I am Banta Singh” Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered ” No No Me Banta Singh” Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him ” Are you Relaxing?” The other Sardar was much educated and answered “Yes I am relaxing ” Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, ” Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai.(Everybody is searching you there and you are enjoying here.)”
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Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…
1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”
Santa replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”
Saint Peter lets him in without another word….
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There were two Sardarjis Bantya and Santya, employed as bombers. They had to place a time bomb in order to explode a building. So they were going on their destination in a car. On their way Bantya asked Santya, “Santya what will happen if the time bomb explodes in this car itself.” Santya replied “Don’t worry, I have a spare one!!!!!”
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Santa singh and Banta singh went into a cafeteria and ordered two drinks.
Then they produced snacks from their shopping bags and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own food in here!”
Santa and Banta looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged their snacks.
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As the crowded elevator descended, Banta’s wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled,
slapped Banta, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”
Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, “I… I… didn’t pinch that girl.”
“Of course you didn’t,” said Preeto, consolingly, “I did.”
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Suicide Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks “kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?” (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies “Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun” (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)
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Santa and Tony Blair were having candle-light dinner.
Tony Blair said, “Pass the wine u divine”
Santa thinks “How poetic”
Then Santa says “Pass the custard u bastard”
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A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”
Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”
“How?” asks the man, puzzled.
“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
